Thursday, November 18, 2010

Achievement Pending: INDEPENDENCE pt 2.

So i have FINALLY got a job. Im a check out chick at Northside plaza. WOOT.

Step one is complete.

I bought a tin the other day For my car fund. It has CAR FUND written on it, in big bold letters lol. So it cannot be missed.

Ive decided to give myself a hundred dollar taxi limit, for the just in case situations. Cus there might be a few of them.

Driving lesson on thursday.

and finally....Resigned up at the gym. YEEHAA.

This is where I am in my life. I wouldnt say its coming to plan. Because I dont plan. I decide what I am going to do, and I do it. Best way to live.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


my mind has been made up. this is the last choice i will give my self. If i chose one, or the other, i have to stick to it. Chopping and changing my mind every ten minutes HAS TO STOP.

I will give in.

I will forgive, and forget

I will learn to take it. Because thats what sacrifice is.

But its not fair.

you dont sacrifice for me.



to break, or not to break.

I guess i have to make the decision sooner or later.

Do i want to lose the greatest thing in my life.

Do i want a family more then him.

Am i better off alone.

what do i do :(

Monday, October 25, 2010


I love fast-food. I am the first to admit. Biting into a Bacon burger from Red rooster, or a Quater pounder from macca's is amazing... well except for it going straight onto my thighs and hips.

But do we really need 4 McDonalds, 3 KFCs, 2 Domino's pizza, 4 subways (yes i know that subway is healthy)2 Red Roosters, the list goes on...

Why do we need so many? Why did shopping fair need a kfc and maccas in the food court? what was wrong with the place's that where there? I personally always shop at PULP sandwich bar. yes its nice to have them, there, in the air-conditioning to have lunch while shopping, but why was it a necessity?

and why are we building a McDonalds OUT THE FRONT OF shopping fair, when there is one INSIDE of shopping fair?

This is getting ridiculous. You dont need to eat fast food all the time, thats why there is Woolworths, Food works, IGA, Coles.

If you cannot get to a McDonalds or a KFC or a Hungry jacks straight away, there is nothing wrong with waiting. you might even feel a bit better about yourself if you ate a home cooked dinner. or a salad sandwich for lunch.

who knows, the love handles may disappear.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Bonds. and such

B is putting me on the lease.... so if we break up, he cannot kick me out. SO reliving. So now i feel free to be able to do my garden and buy furniture and yeah. IM JUST HAPPY about that. xo

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Achievement Pending: INDEPENDENCE

I feel so independent. Catching the buses to town and back again, not having to rely on anyone at all. I'd say Achievement Unlocked, but I still need B emotionaly. Its what im working on to fix. So I dont need him at all. I want to want him, not want to need him. Once i start working, i'll be spending my own money, doing my own things and what not. Its hard to trust. i dont know why. I mean, I trust him, but not anyone else. He tells me every time we have a "talk" that i always bring up, about him and other girls. he tells me that its not him. Its not what he wants to do. Why can I not believe him. Its driving me insane.

Some days, I think maybe i should leave. But i feel so comfy with my life. I feel content with him. i dont know. Its all so confusing.

rainy weather day

I am soo drained today. I met up with all of my friends at different times today. lol. was scary freaky. Though I did get to bottle feed K and Z's new baby. It was GREAT. first time in doing that. I felt clucky all over again. Though I cannot have a baby right now, As my partner doesnt want one, I will wait for three years. Then i will have one. I have decided. If he still doesnt want one then, im gunna have to leave. Its the hard reality of it all.

So i start work on saturday. IM SO EXCITED. i havnt been this excited for anything. I hope tomorrow goes REALLY REALY REALLY fast.

awh. I had the best day. And i hope my night gets better.

NOW for a shower. xox

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

musings of an afternoon 2.

Im sitting here, watching Chuck and B play some wrestling game on the WII, marvelling at how two 30 something yearolds can be so childish lol. Kinda brings me back to when I was a child, lol like 10 years ago, I was only 11. I think the only game I wanted to play was wolfinstine or some game. then for some reason I just stopped. But then I met B. And everything has changed all my thinking with games. At the start of our relationship I was all pissed off that he would be playing all the time, and it would bring lots of fights. But now, I LONG to be next to him, on my pc that im going to buy VERY SOON, playing with him, taunting his online characters and killing him lol, things i cannot do in real life LOL.

My point is, i suppose, life can take you to very interesting places. I feel amazing. I feel like LIVING, not dying...Which for most of my life, is something that has always been in the back of my mind. I have the scars to prove it.

I was always thinking about what is the meaning of life, what are we here for. I think the answer, well for me anyway, is to be HAPPY. and CONTENT with what you have. To LIVE and to LOVE. and to make the most of who you are. I have learnt that you cannot change someone, if you love them, you will love them for who they are and what they do. And hope, I guess, that they will do the same for you. My partner and I have been through ALOT. I have acused him of soo much, even though he has been here for me and hasnt done half the shit that I have yelled at him about. And he has his habits that make me mad, but at the end of the day the fact that we are still together and still going strong means something more then a couple who have it easy everyday, and never fight. Its not real if its not hard, its not worth it if its to easy. That is my motto in life.

Things are looking up for me right now, I will be starting work soon and I will get my Baby ( the car) on the road in NO time. i cannot wait to get my Licence. Its a bit sucky that im 21 and i dont have it yet. I guess I have always thought that everyone will do everything for me. Like they have in the past. Im just over using people for things i could do my self if i was not lazy.

I will end here. Have a great day

much love.


I think that i need to work on me as a whole person then try and just focus on my weightloss. I am not a strong person. i rely on others to get things done for me, and i dont actually take the time to do things for me... you know. I try soo HARD to make everyone happy that sometimes i forget who i am, and forget the fact that my happiness is more of a priority then everyone elses. As a partner, i think that MOST of me is a great partner, Im willing, I try. and i LOVE very easy. I am very jealous however, and i get upset over the smallest things. I KNOW in my heart that my bf isnt going to cheat, however some where in my mind i feel like he is. So i need to work on who i am as a person, but what i want. I start work soon and i am SOOOO excited for it. and there is sooo much that i want to do and what i want to buy. and hopefully with time i can

Saturday, July 24, 2010

food, yummy yummy

I made a freaking awesome dinner last-night so i thought that I'd share. :)

Cheesy chicken macaroni bake. (super-food ideas)

1 1/2 cups of dried macaroni pasta
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 medium brown onion, chopped
2 garlic cloves, crushed. (i just added 2 teaspoons of pre crushed garlic. worked fine)
500g of chicken thigh fillets (i used breast. its nicer)
2 teaspoons of wholegrain mustard
50g of shaved ham sliced
300ml light cooking cream
300g broccoli
1/2 cup of mixed veggies (or more if you love your veggies like i do)
2 tablespoons of chopped fresh flt leave parsley (i didn't put this in.)
Grape tomatoes halved
1/2 cup of bread crumbs
1/2 cup of tasty cheese
~add more or less, depending how much you want to cook~

1. preheat oven to 180 degrees
2. cook macaroni
3.while macaroni is cooking heat oil in a large frying pan. add onion and garlic cook while stirring, for three minutes. add chicken. Cook while stirring until chicken is cooked ad flour and mustard.cook while stirring for 1 minute.
4. add cream and ham, season with salt add pepper, stir to combine. add broccoli and mixed veg and macaroni. toss to coat. spoon mixture in to an ovenproof dish top with tomato.
5. combine bread crumbs and cheese. sprinkle over pasta mixture.
6. Bake for 25/30 minutes or until tops are golden or cheese is melted. Stand for 5 minutes. Serve. :)



Friday, July 23, 2010

Life and all things in it

So Its 3pm on a Saturday afternoon. I should really be cleaning, but honestly i cbfed. So i decided to share with you some things that have happened this week in photos. :D

^^This is my kitty ninja :D He's just beautiful

^^ this was a few months back, but this was me once i got to the top of mt Jim crow.

and this is the beautiful pie that i cooked for dinner lastnight. :P

(cant you tell that im bored hehe)

well im off to shower and do some cleaning.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Musings of an afternoon

I love reading.

When i was a child i could sit down with a book and read everyday. I'd finish three books in one afternoon, if i was left alone. I remember walking home from school, grabbing 4 pieces of fresh bread and two apples and lay on my bed, all afternoon reading away.

I cannot do that anymore.

One of my favorite series of books is the babysitters club. On of my friends, T, i found out the other day, has three boxes full of bsc and bsls (babysitters little sister)I just had to grab a box and read away. But, i have not been able to read a book in a long time. Some thing comes up, or what not, so i gave up reading. Now, when i can afford the luxury to read, i cannot. It boggles me.

Audio books, however, seem to be the best thing invented for me these days. Im reading- well listening too- the way of shadows by Brent weeks. I am loving every minute of it. Such a fantastic book :D I highly recommend it.

ever since i came home from Melbourne, my life has been different each and everyday. Yesterday i was the most happiest person in the world. the day before that, i was a wreck. Taking each day at a time is a handful right now. But i will come out of this stage a stronger better person.

On a happier note, and a closing thought,



Thursday, July 15, 2010

21st year of spawning =^-^=

This month marked the 21st year of my spawning. <3. Not that its had a great start, but it will get better.
I've started a lot of things.
Ironing. I LOVE ironing.
Scrap booking. (ill post pics)((Kinda copying my friend Nang in that respect.))
my printer decided that it wants to work now so that's also a plus.

putting my car into be repaired on the 27th :D CANNOT WAIT.

i was hoping for some superfabulousawesome post. But its late. and my mind went blank. I think its time for bed.